This is a rush transcript of “Gutfeld!” on February 10, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Justin just got up and left.
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LAURA INGRAHAM, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: He got up and left.
GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: What’s his name? I can’t remember his name. But why do I care? Why do I care? Clap. Happy Thursday, everyone. What a magical show we have planned for you. And that’s because it’s time once again for.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Everything is racist.
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GUTFELD: So, just the other day, I was sending a text to a close friend of mine. I’m lying. I’m making up an anecdote to kick off this monologue. I don’t have any close friends other than my goldfish aid. And even he hates me. But while sending the text, I wanted to end it with the right emoji. A thumbs up if you will. The problem is I’m white. I know spoiler. But usually I just use the emoji that pops up, the default thumbs up.
It’s kind of yellow, what’s called these days Simpsons yellow. Now except for that time I caught scurvy from Kat. I’m not cartoon yellow. I’m white, really white. So white, in fact that I wear khakis to bed. Which means when I’m choosing the default thumbs up, which is canary yellow. Aren’t I cloaking my whiteness? Aren’t I hiding my privilege? (BLEEP) you might even call it appropriating.
I’m white using a yellow thumb. So, the question plagued me. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. I could barely look at myself in the mirror which could have been fatal if I were Jesse Waters. All this time as a white man, I was identifying as a Simpson and not even a hot one, like Ashley or O.J. Well, thank God for NPR because they tackle this dilemma for me. Yes, in between fun drives and profiles of trans sheep.
They published an article on which skin color emoji should you use. The reply which they supplied, the answer is more complex than you think. And that’s because depending on your race, they could denote white privilege, especially if you use the yellow thumbs up emoji. That means if you’re white, that you’re ignorant of your own advantage in life, like being able to choose any emoji you want.
Some people don’t have that privilege, like some minorities and also careless woodshop teachers. By the way, even though I am white, my thumb identifies as a pinky. Now the article is so important that it actually took three authors to put it together. Even my employees didn’t laugh. That’s two more authors than it took to write war and peace, and 20 less than it took to write how I save the world.
Their beef that many people of color are exhausted. That’s the word they use. They’re exhausted of having to grapple with their emoji issues, while white people just ignore it subconsciously. And even though we assume the yellow thumbs up is neutral, some academics, I.E. freaks, argue that when you make that choice, you’re opting out of your commitment to awareness. Which sounds interesting.
Oh, who am I kidding? It’s not interesting at all. I’m just sick and tired of talking about COVID and crime all the time. And I’m out of poop jokes since I started that juice cleanse. But COVID in crime are big problems. And it would be great if this emoji thing were so big an issue we could lead off the show with it. How awesome would your life be if all you had to deal with is being exhausted by emoji privilege?
Hey, Joe, you look really down. Are you feeling OK? Yes, I’m fine. But I was up until 4:00 this morning trying to decide how to sign off on a text. So, you want to talk about actual privilege? The most privilege thing is the existence of this article. Imagine the sheer lack of problems you have that would allow you to spend all this time and effort wondering if your emoji might be racist. I have an inkling that this is not a concern for parents of screaming kids.
It’s not a concern for anyone who truly works for living. It’s not a concern for anyone who has a sick relative, not a concern for any victim of crime. This kind of concern only exists in people with woke privilege. Academics, people who really don’t have to do anything but write silly little articles to show how smart they are. But these are pointless people. Lucky to be alive in a really easy time to be alive.
It’s America 2022. Netflix, Uber, Pornhub, pot, lives a breeze for the lazy and shiftless. By comparison on this day in history, February 10, 1862, a union naval Flotilla, which I believe is a boat with salsa and cheese, destroyed the Confederate mosquito fleet in the Battle of Elizabeth City in North Carolina. By the way, how hard is it to beat a fleet named after an insect you can kill with a flyswatter?
Anyway, I bet you didn’t know I was a history buff. I’m not, I just really I’d like to read Wikipedia in the buff which got me removed from the public library. But that battle like so many that were waged ensured that 160 years later three losers could write an article about emojis. Back then they had real problems. Hell today we have real problems. Crime waves, inflation, COVID, Joe Biden, but in the woke world those aren’t concerns.
Emojis are. Joe Rogan is. Hoop earrings, remember when they were racist? It’s problems like emojis and all that other crap that make academics feel important and NPR looking lightened, but in the real world, they don’t accomplish a damn thing. It’s stupid. So stupid I’m giving them a thumbs down. And yes, I’m using the wrong color and the wrong finger.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Period.
GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guests. When this lawyer approaches the bench, the judges run for cover. Former acting Attorney General Matt Whitaker. If he were a serial he’d be raising cain. “FOX AND FRIENDS WEEKEND” host Will Cain. She’s like a vintage car. Loud, shiny and will break down when you least expect it. Fox News Contributor Kat Timpf. And the whole nine yards refers to his (INAUDIBLE) my massive side kick in the NWA World Television Champion Tyrus.
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Greg?
TIMPF: I know — I’m like I’m the only woman here again. It’s like guys town in here.
GUTFELD: Guys town you say.
TIMPF: Guys town.
GUTFELD: You know — that’s an interesting concept guys town. I wonder what guys town would be like.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Guy town. Getting with your buddies in lifted weights, hey, beer is cool. Watching sports with your friends and being handsome but (INAUDIBLE) not handsome. Guy town.
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WILL CAIN, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Guy town is awesome.
GUTFELD: Thursdays now is going to be guy town.
GUTFELD: Guy town. You guys want to see skit?
MATTHEW WHITAKER, FORMER ACTING UNITED STATES ATTORNEY GENERAL: Yes.
GUTFELD: I forgot about the skit. We have a skit that was supposed to be the monologue. It couldn’t fit it in. But it’s a skit. You want to see it?
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Kat?
GUTFELD: OK. Let’s see a skit.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, hey, Stacy. I just want to say great job on that presentation today. Really killed it.
UNIDENTIFIED FEMALE: Sure. It’s all thumbs up to you. You’re a white man.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Secure one.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, hey, Connor. Great sales numbers, man. Keep it up.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Dude, my dad died picking up a hitchhiker that did that. That hitchhiker murdered him. So, let’s cool it with a thumbs up.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh, hey, Courtney, great job at the company softball game.
TIMPF: I am a devoted dog mom. All right? And they don’t have thumbs. So that was really triggering for me just now.
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: OK. OK. Fine. Fine. Fine. I’m getting rid of the thumbs up. And replacing it with this. Stick that in your NPR tote bags.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Well, there you go. It’s guy town with skits. Will, last time I checked, you were white. What color emoji do you use? And what — how do you feel about this analysis of the emoji issue?
CAIN: I use the yellow emoji.
GUTFELD: Yes. Great.
CAIN: When I use emojis — of course, I do. There we go. Now let me ask you a question, Tyrus. If you and I were texting —
TYRUS: Right. I could happen.
CAIN: I don’t have your number.
CAIN: I don’t have your number. But maybe, one day. If I sent you the white thumbs up, wouldn’t you go, oh, look a Will, little white pride there. I went out of my way to opt out of the default yellow emoji to select the white thumb emoji and that wouldn’t raise your eyebrows?
GUTFELD: That’s a good point.
TIMPF: I do that.
TYRUS: My eyebrows would be raised that one dude was texting emoji to another dude.
TYRUS: Why is he sending emojis? He could have just said bye. So yes, but you’re right. You made a great point. Because if I was having a bad day, I’d be like this racist (BLEEP) kind of let me know he’s white. Let me show him I’m white. Let me find the darkest thumb I can (INAUDIBLE) you know.
GUTFELD: It’s true. They’re causing us to overthink this. Matt, the other thing too is, you know, you and I have to share the same thumb on the phone. But you are different size. They don’t have size options for thumbs.
WHITAKER: They don’t have size options. They don’t have an option if I’ve been in Florida for a week. And so, there’s a lot — there’s a lot of complications to the thumb. But this whole story made me want to go for that green throw-up emoji.
WHITAKER: Because the story should have been about the pregnant men emoji that is also available in your standard keyboard.
GUTFELD: Matt, apparently you do not watch this show because we covered the pregnant man last week, didn’t we?
WHITAKER: Can you roll over that beat?
GUTFELD: Yes. We’re the first —
TIMPF: In depth. In depth.
TYRUS: It was a whole show.
GUTFELD: It was a whole show devoted to that.
TYRUS: With Bret Baier.
GUTFELD: Yes. He came in. He was live on location at the pregnant emoji man’s house, which is actually in the Metaverse.
CAIN: He’s riveting.
GUTFELD: Yes. Kat, you are a — what are you?
TIMPF: I do a lot of things.
GUTFELD: Yes. No, but in the age group, you’re not — you’re a —
TIMPF: I’m a millennial.
GUTFELD: You’re a millennial. So, when you talk to your millennial friends, what do they say? That is such a — that is such a terrible people —
TIMPF: You never seem older than you did just now.
GUTFELD: I think you know what it is? I just don’t care about the story.
TYRUS: Hey, Kat, where are all the kids in this —
TIMPF: Yes. Exactly. How do you do fellow kids? Yes. We need to all start learning Mandarin because we’re done.
TIMPF: We’re — like I use the white emojis.
GUTFELD: You do?
TIMPF: Yes. And it’s not because I’m confronting my proof. It’s just because like, I know what color I am, which I think, you know, good for me I guess. I just think that a better headline for this article would have been neither I nor anyone I know has a real problem.
TIMPF: Like try to criticize other people and say, this is what, you know, people — black people are really worried about this. I’m like, is that true? I don’t think that’s true.
GUTFELD: Yes. It’s also – -it’s kind of — it’s a lot like when you were talking about Joe Rogan. And it was like this is — this is not something that is like important on your radar. It’s — but it’s something that is happening in the woke world with white leftist who think that this is important and that this needs to be solved.
TYRUS: Once again, Greg, I’m the only black guy on the show.
TYRUS: Let’s roll black guy town. Where’s the sketch?
GUTFELD: That’s next week? We’re doing to do it. You don’t know. I’m — could be — I could be planning a big black guy town just for you.
TYRUS: Well, that was about as serious as this stupid story is. First world problems, they’re getting out of hand. We have so many first world problems.
TYRUS: We pay no attention to what was really going on. And the fact that this even made the light of day that somebody spends time trying to figure out what thumb color to send to somebody else. When — don’t you usually know the person you’re texting?
TYRUS: It’s not like I just found out.
GUTFELD: Do you think these people are friends?
GUTFELD: The people that wrote that story have friends?
TYRUS: No, I think they literally just — they have a deadline.
TYRUS: And they got a thumbs up from their editor, their boss, and they’re like, oh, I hate this. I’m going to make it racist. I think that’s what it was.
GUTFELD: Everything is —
TIMPF: They called an emoji — someone who was an emoji researcher.
TIMPF: That’s not real.
GUTFELD: That’s the other thing. Like we should — we should spend just one moment ridiculing the authors. Because it took three of them.
CAIN: Let me be the contrarian for just one moment.
GUTFELD: OK. Sure.
CAIN: It could be that these authors are actually on the cutting edge. I have two sons. They spend a lot of time online.
CAIN: We’re on the verge of the Metaverse here.
CAIN: Then you get to select — they play Fortnite, your skin, they color their skin. You can select your emoji, you participate in life and very soon we’re all going to be there or I’m not going to be but a lot of people are going to be there. Kat will be there.
GUTFELD: Are you sick?
CAIN: Very soon.
TIMPF: Are you sick?
GUTFELD: He says he’s not going to be here.
CAIN: I’m not joining the Metaverse. No, I’m saying the Metaverse. I’m going to stay in the real verse.
WHITAKER: What about the thumb when you like someone’s text? That’s paper white.
GUTFELD: Is it?
WHITAKER: They didn’t even comment about that. I’m worried that they — three people didn’t even like look into the real issue here.
GUTFELD: Right. That’s — you know what? They needed a fourth person.
GUTFELD: They needed a fourth person. They probably —
TYRUS: But I do the reverse thing. So the thumb is black when I do it, but I’ve never done it. And little correction, it’s avatar. And most of the kids usually green, blue, purple, or something that hasn’t been discovered yet with a unicorn horn. So, they’ve completely —
CAIN: That’s true.
TYRUS: You know, my kids do it too. So —
GUTFELD: All right.
TYRUS: And that wings, lots of wings.
GUTFELD: I think we really crushed this topic.
WHITAKER: Our segment today.
GUTFELD: Yes. It’s the best segment on Fox.
TYRUS: Bret Baier on line one.
GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Tell him I’m busy. He always calls. He knows when I’m taping the show. He’ll wait up. Up next, as the media’s credibility is destroyed, they reports on something.
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UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Oh my God. The walls are closing in.
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GUTFELD: Were important documents flushed? Maybe says the paper no one can trust. This has Biden plunges in a poll, which has liberal hopes circling the bowl. Yes. It’s the story that has hot dog eating contestants believing they could be president. Donald Trump clogged White House toilets. You have to think about that for a while. In a new book New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman claims the President would clog White House toilets by trying to flush documents down them.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
MAGGIE HABERMAN, CNN POLITICAL ANALYST: As I was reporting out this book, I learned that staff in the White House residents would periodically find the toilet clogged. The engineer would have to come and fix it and what the engineer would find would be wads of, you know, clumped up print –wet printed paper. And, you know, meaning it was not toilet paper. This was — this was either notes or some other piece of paper that, you know, he — they believe that he had thrown down the toilet.
What it could be? Briana could be anybody’s guess. It could be post its. It could be notes he wrote to himself. It could be other things we don’t know.
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GUTFELD: Yes. This is way more important than the crime wave. Of course, Trump calls this another fake story. So maybe there was no paper being flushed. But we do know that President Biden’s ratings are in the crapper. This week for the first time since taking office, Joe’s approval rating fell below 40 percent in one national average. He’s less approved of than the guy with the face tattoos dating your daughter.
And speaking of 40s, it’s my favorite after-lunch drink. Inflation is rising at its fastest rates in 40 years, with no signs of slowing down. If Joe takes us any deeper into the 1970s, we’ll all be wearing bell bottoms and dating share. Meanwhile, crime is still off the charts. In 2021, the U.S. murder rate was at as high as it’s — as it’s been in 25 years. We nearly — with nearly over 19,000 people were killed nationwide. But other than that, everything’s great. Right, Joe?
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: Oh, no, no, no, look, look, look. They – – what do they always say? A rising tide lifts all the, you know, all the things, come on. The — what goes up must come down. Right? Spinning wheel, spinning around. Who said that? I don’t know. But I — look I’m putting blood, sweat and tears into this thing. And you got to remember — what’s the thing there with the, boots. The tide lifts the boots. You didn’t think old Joe had it in them, do you? Boots.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Oh my god. You, Matt, where is your Trump book coming out?
WHITAKER: Well, so, I — it’s interesting that this is part of a book coming out.
WHITAKER: And the engineers at the White House believe these were papers. Could have been post it notes.
WHITAKER: Could have been a recipe for lasagna. We will never know.
WHITAKER: You know, and — but this is again, this is — if you’re trying to sell books, I did have a book come out. It’s the best Trump book out there.
GUTFELD: I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had a book.
WHITAKER: Yes. Well, you should have blurbed it. You didn’t. I’ll blurb your book next.
GUTFELD: Oh, thank you.
WHITAKER: But in all — in all reality, this is the only thing left has is what aboutism. And it’s what about Trump? And so they just kind of continue this and we know that Maggie is at the end of her notebook. If this is the thing she’s talking about now. There are no more Trump stories from the White House after this. And the left, the CNN especially and your friend Brian need to figure out what are we going to do now?
GUTFELD: Yes, they’re in big trouble, Tyrus. The walls are closing in. Remember? That’s all the — every time there’s a Trump story, the walls are closing.
TYRUS: We got him.
GUTFELD: We got him.
GUTFELD: Worse than Watergate.
TYRUS: Here we go. This is the worst thing since Nixon.
TYRUS: Somebody stuffed paper in the toilet. OK? What else you got? Because if it’s a copy of a paper, then there’s another copy somewhere else.
TYRUS: So, the quid pro quo. Go find that one. That, you know, the only thing that has gone up since Biden’s been in and he’s got — he’s got three things that he could — I guess you could stick to his reelection is crime, homicide, inflation.
TYRUS: Those are the things that have really just skyrocketed since he’s came into office. But yet, you want to talk about a paper in a toilet?
GUTFELD: It’s such — but it makes me miss him. I’ll tell you, you know, Kat. Remember the good old days when those were the stories like the stories were insane. He’s flushing stuff down a toilet, but it didn’t kill anybody. And now we’re in — the stories about Biden is that you can’t buy things or things are more expensive. There’s raging crime. You know what — you know what I’m saying? The contrast is stark.
TIMPF: I do. Yes, I do know what you’re saying. I mean, Biden, he like kind of did unite everyone in the fact that we all agree now that we hate it here, like everybody thinks the country’s not doing well. Although I do want to have questions about papers you’d flushed down a toilet. More so because everything’s digital.
TIMPF: Like, I don’t know, like, if it’s in the toilet, I mean, you’re going to find it somewhere else. I really don’t know.
GUTFELD: No, what if it’s handwritten?
TYRUS: If it’s hand — nobody does that anymore.
GUTFELD: Trump does. Trump writes notes, right?
TIMPF: Like nobody —
WHITAKER: I know the answer to that. Everybody —
CAIN: Trump writes on a post it note. P.S., tell Vladimir, thank you. And then he flushes that down and he goes to the bathroom and crumples it. This story is —
TYRUS: And then he go, mohahaha.
TIMPF: But I also — I bet they regret — really, really regret pushing to have Trump off of Twitter, because if he was still on Twitter, there’d be so many more things they can talk about. So, I think this is like they’re really looking for stuff. They think that they regret doing that.
TYRUS: You know, Greg watching the whole interview, which was brutal. I would rather get open root canal with no — I think it hit her how stupid her story was. Because CNN started going into and who knows it could be this and then she’ll go, oh, I really don’t want to go there. I don’t know what it is like, I think she was like, it sounded good.
TYRUS: And as she spoke it, she was like, oh, no —
TYRUS: You watch it, she’s stops —
CAIN: — with a lot of seriousness.
TYRUS: And then an argument broke out because they were like, could it be Russian? And then she’s like, no, no, I’m not saying that. I’m just — let’s — thank you. Back to you, Tom. They were done.
CAIN: But to your point, Greg, it does make me miss Trump. Because it makes them lose their mind and not only what the story’s insane, they were fake. The vast majority of the stories were absolute sheer insanity, made up — made up fairy tales. And they indulged it every step of the way. And it is the crack pipe that can’t wait to get back to.
CAIN: On the very same day, this is what they were talking about. It’s reported that inflation, one of Tyrus’ three notes of Biden’s accomplishments that have gone up. Inflation hit 7-1/2 percent to your point the highest in 40 years.
CAIN: On the very same day. Trump flushed some post.
GUTFELD: Exactly, exactly.
TYRUS: That would cause inflation.
GUTFELD: I will take a backup toilet over inflation any day. And sometimes I have. I don’t know what that means. But you know what? You knew I was going to pick a story that had Trump and toilets.
GUTFELD: You knew it. How could I pass that?
TYRUS: And it wasn’t funny. That’s the cold part. It was — it’s almost sad.
TYRUS: It’s like seeing a boxer who can’t go anymore.
TYRUS: You know.
CAIN: They didn’t even have to do inflation.
CAIN: Someone not tell them about the emoji story?
CAIN: With the thumbs?
CAIN: I mean —
WHITAKER: I’m happy to report.
WHITAKER: President Trump is alive and doing very well.
GUTFELD: There you go. Have you talked to him lately?
WHITAKER: I have.
GUTFELD: Yes. Yes. He must like you, huh?
WHITAKER: Well, I don’t know what that means. I’m a likable person, Greg.
GUTFELD: He’ll go like — he said, I can see — he — Matt, he’s a big guy. He’s just a big guy. Big guy. Yes, he likes to wrestle. Everybody always talks about people’s physicality. I never do that.
TYRUS: Well —
GUTFELD: What about guy town? Guy town so far has been pretty fun, huh?
TIMPF: love it.
GUTFELD: Up next. Our vax mandates obsolete for the Hollywood elite.
GUTFELD: Yes, the Oscars no longer demand vaccine passes for stars to kiss each other’s asses. Yes, you don’t need an extra needle to sit next to Don Cheadle. It’s true. Our Hollywood scolders won’t need to jab their shoulders. As deadline reports, the Academy Awards are ditching the vaccine requirements for this year’s show.
However, attendees will have to show a recent negative COVID test and a full blood panel and lab work if they’ve come into contact with Pete Davidson within the past month. We got to get an audience back. The Oscars are still figuring out whether masks will be required, which is always a challenge when you’re doing rails of coke. Meanwhile, on another channel, this guy said this about me and our week of upcoming shows in Dallas.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
ARI MELBER, MSNBC HOST: You know, Fox’s Greg Gutfeld, kind of pugnacious late-night host while he’s taking his show down to Dallas. The audience members who show up must show proof of vaccination or a negative COVID test to get in, something that’s not even required for other events at that same venue. So, there you have it, that is the Fox anchors requirement to see him — vax or test. Like Biden’s vax or test mandate. The hypocrisy writes itself.
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: First Ari, thanks for the plug, but we’re already sold out in one hour. But you’re a lawyer, you know, words, it’s not a vax mandate if there’s an order before it. We welcome the unvaxxed to the show, you just got to take a COVID test to make sure you aren’t sick, which I support, and we can supply free. It’s like right by the door. And like my charisma, it costs nothing. But hey, Ari, you know better. I always say the same thing. I’m double vaxxed, and aim for any vaccine mandate, and I’ve said it before, but I get it.
You can’t cover the disastrous Biden presidency, so what are you left with? Attacking me, a true American hero. Thank you. Who initiated the end of the pandemic on live TV? You know, it’s amazing, I don’t have a cult by now. Speaking of, Hawaii has scrapped a plan that would have required booster shots for tourists, meaning we’ll no longer have to invade that tiny island nation. We go now to our Hawaii Correspondent for real time action. I’d like to invite him to Guy Town, you know what I’m saying?
TYRUS, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR: No. Not even a little bit.
TYRUS: You know — no, no, actually, I would — I shoot raccoons. They try to get my fish in my reptile house. So, yes, I shoot little bastards.
GUTFELD: Yes. Isn’t it great that now Hollywood is listening to us? That they’re actually —
TYRUS: You know, I have to go back to sports on this one. We have to — it is very important for us to be good winners.
TYRUS: And good sports.
GUTFELD: That’s a good point.
TYRUS: Because if we keep doing the I told you so, they’ll just keep (BLEEP) going because they just don’t want to say it. So, what we need to do is change — going about face and go. No, no, we need mandates and masks and then they will rally. I guess, I’m giving the plan away.
TYRUS: The point is, like we have to be — win, because I’m seeing a lot of it like Democratic governors are good at it. And they’re like, about time you came out. No, no, you should say welcome to the adult party.
TYRUS: Thank you. And keep going forward. And it hurts and it burns. I know. I know. But we have to be good sports about this one.
TYRUS: Just this one because I am — I don’t wear them with you. We just both said we’re not wearing a mask anymore.
GUTFELD: Right, right.
TYRUS: And I just want — and luckily we being the big dudes, they don’t —
MATT WHITAKER, FORMER ACTING ATTORNEY GENERAL: Right.
TYRUS: They just kind of act like they don’t see it.
WHITAKER: And he’s bigger than me. So, I’m even afraid of him.
TYRUS: They don’t, they just act like they don’t see it. You know, I walk into the building and masked up, and what’s up, man? What’s going on? You know —
GUTFELD: It’s big guys and attractive women that don’t have to wear masks, because what guy is going to tell an attractive woman to cover her beautiful face, right?
WILL CAIN, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Only a flight attendant.
WHITAKER: No, but I’m going to take it a different angle.
WHITAKER: This is — you know, you talk about hypocrisy and I know Ari kind of went after you being a hypocrite, but you’re not, Greg.
GUTFELD: Thank you.
WHITAKER: you’re a tender-hearted human being. But that being said, this is, this is what liberals do is they, they find something inconvenient. You still have to have a vax card in an ID to get Five Guys hamburger to go inside the restaurant in Washington, D.C. And so, you know, they’re, they’re still applying this to the working class people, the people that you know, have to drive the cabs and actually do the work and probably I’m sure the people serving at this Oscar gala are going to be masked. And so, you know, this is a this is a fake —
WHITAKER: Coming around to our way of thinking.
GUTFELD: Yes, Five Guys would be really good for Guy Town, right? Kat, Five Guys at the Guy Town?
KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: You guys can do whatever you want.
GUTFELD: You seem nonplussed. What do you make of the, what would you like to tackle? There is a difference between governor, government mandates, federal government mandates that threaten your career livelihood and going to a show?
TIMPF: Yes, although I just I don’t think that there’s a vaccine mandate when you have to have a vaccine to get into a place. Businesses can do whatever they want. But it doesn’t make any sense if you can still get COVID and spread it. Like there’s only reason to still support this is because you already did support it.
TIMPF: So, like you don’t want it like you already got vaccinated. You spent so much time; this was your whole thing. It’s the same reason people stay married sometimes, like you’ve already, Ari invested so much. You don’t want to have to like change the Instagram caption where you said you married your best friend and partner in crime as the best decision you ever made. It turns out it wasn’t. You don’t have to go back and tell everybody that. So, you just stay whether it’s the mandate or the marriage.
GUTFELD: You have just described the sunk cost.
TIMPF: The sunken cost fallacy.
GUTFELD: Yes, the sunken cost fallacy, we all understand.
CAIN: I’m surprised Ari managed to climb back up on that high horse as everyone else is running away from the ranch, this entire COVID protocol regime is falling apart and he still felt there was room for him to climb back up there and look down his nose at you. And what’s sad is it’s all that will be left at the end of this thing as the zombie shuffling around, still stuck in fear because there’s real cost.
And this is where I do disagree with you Tyrus, I’m not going to be ready forgive and forget, because too much damage has been done over the last two years. And there will be people who weren’t cynical, who weren’t virtue signaling who really and truly bought into this fear. I’m afraid they won’t get to come back. They will be left as the zombie shuffling around in the society.
GUTFELD: Ooh, it’ll just be like my, my, my road warrior nation that —
TYRUS: I’ll tell you what, though, he did say your name like Greg Gutfeld, it was a lot of passion. You can’t say his name mean?
GUTFELD: No, not Ari Melber.
TYRUS: Yes, how do you say it?
GUTFELD: I’m pugnacious.
TYRUS: Ari, it’s just, you know.
WHITAKER: People saw Ari on Fox News that they did on his original channel.
GUTFELD: Now, that is true. That is true. We crushed him in the rating.
TYRUS: Send him a t-shirt.
GUTFELD: And he’s on like, it’s at 6:00 and we’re on like an 11:00, and we get like twice his demo. That’s TV speak for young hot people.
Coming up, do the singles in our nation face discrimination.
GUTFELD: You know, I hate having to do a correction here. But this is the kind of show that we run, I made a mistake. We actually get three times the demo of Ari Melber’s show. Not two, but three. And I regret making that error, I apologize. And I won’t let you guys down ever again. All right. Do you think you’re stupid? If you haven’t been shot by cupid? This poll says you’re a victim of hate. If you haven’t yet found a mate. Yes, just in time to make singles feel bad before Valentine’s Day.
A new survey seeks to answer the question: are single people more discriminated against them couples. The YouGov poll of a thousand Americans highlights single-ism which describes the hardship of being unmarried. Specifically, laws, policies or practices that favor couples for example, married people often pay less than taxes and benefit more from Social Security. And not to mention lotion. Survey participants were asked whether single people are stigmatized and discriminated against: 42 percent said yes, 40 percent said no and the other 20 percent couldn’t get reception in their basement apartments. Kat.
GUTFELD: You’ve been married for eight weeks. So, you remember being single and now that you’re married? Do you what do you how do you feel that when you were discriminated against and you’re less discriminated against now?
GUTFELD: Yes. Right?
TIMPF: Like food delivery apps, like you can never meet the minimum if it’s just you.
GUTFELD: That’s true.
TIMPF: Like all these different things, and then if you’re single everyone’s like, what’s wrong with you? Like are you you’re not marriage material? But nobody says that about me anymore now that I’m married even though I’m still not marriage material.
GUTFELD: So true. Will, what I hate — you know why I hate married people and I am one, no I’m not going to hate married people. I hate married people with kids because, because they have excuses for everything. It’s oh, I can’t Little Billy has head lice. You know, a little — but if you’re single you can’t say you don’t have anything to like right off your hangover on.
CAIN: You just get hardened in course.
CAIN: And you just say no, right?
CAIN: I bet you just said no. Do you want this? No.
CAIN: And I have to come up with I don’t have to, I have the excuses: soccer game.
CAIN: Whatever — we got to get to —
GUTFELD: It’s always more game, it’s not even a sport.
CAIN: Oh, that’s got to hurt a lot of little boys in Texas right now, I hope they’re not watching.
TYRUS: My daughter’s got practice right now, you better watch it Gutfeld.
GUTFELD: That’s why I said it because she’s not —
CAIN: It’s OK to discriminate against singles, by the way.
CAIN: Because you should get married and start a family.
TIMPF: Oh, shut up.
CAIN: You should. You should.
TIMPF: You should shut up.
CAIN: You should start a family.
TIMPF: Oh, my — OK. All right. Thank you for letting me know what I should do with my uterus, I appreciate it.
CAIN: I’m here, I’m here for you for the full show.
WHITAKER: So, anyway, what I like about this story, Greg, is we are now creating isms.
WHITAKER: This is single-ism, out of essentially Family Feud polls survey says. Single-ism.
GUTFELD: That’s so true. Yes, this was like a really easy poll to do. And it was like 40, 40, 20. I’m not sure that really was definitive on whether this is an issue or not.
GUTFELD: I think it is an issue because I for one, Tyrus, I, I when I go to the movies alone, I people — I just feel very self-conscious. And I mean, especially if you’re masturbating. The — I’m just saying for single people.
TYRUS: What the hell is your question, you little freak. What are you — all right, PeeWee, what’s your question?
GUTFELD: MY question is, do you believe that there’s such thing as single- ism?
TYRUS: Only when a single friend asked me for a loan. And I’m like you got no kids, you got no wife, you — why are you broke? Like what are you doing with yourself?
TIMPF: You have to spend it on vices to fill the whole in your heart.
TYRUS: You know, and that would — and it isn’t excuses raising your children. Albeit, I went in about a different route decided to have children first and do the marriage thing on the back end, but that’s — neither here nor there, it’s all together now and one judge at one big disgruntled baby mama family, but we make it work.
GUTFELD: You need to have your own.
TYRUS: According to the courts.
GUTFELD: According to the courts.
TYRUS: The point is, is like whenever a single person is whiny to a married couple with children. Of course, we hate them.
TYRUS: It’s like, you have no idea you’ve never had to do the quickie in five seconds in the closet so they won’t find you. You never, they always want to sleep in the room with you. They’re always around you. Everything they do when you have something nice you end up with fingerprints on it and goo and glitter. So, yes, when a single person is like oh my god I’m so — just shut up, just go away, you have no idea
GUTFELD: Also, they, also the same single people just have an endless supply of sleep.
TYRUS: And energy.
GUTFELD: Yes, yes.
TYRUS: And I love your sun.
CAIN: And choices.
GUTFELD: And choices. Choice. You know what? I think we’ve changed your mind, Will. Up next, a school compare sex to pepperoni and parents respond with acrimony.
GUTFELD: They asked kids their sexual preference using pizza as a reference. This quiz is one whopping misuse of a topping. John F. Kennedy Middle School in Connecticut asked eighth graders to describe their sexual preferences using pizza toppings. And now, like Ted Kennedy driving into a lake, they claim the assignment was just an accident. What a leap — the so-called pizza and consent assignment given to students stated quote, “When you order pizza with your friends, everyone checks in about each other’s preferences, right? Well, the same goes with sex.”
Yes, exactly. And in both cases, you asked, who ordered anchovies? Then, it asked students who were in the eighth grade, mind you, to create a pizza describing what kind of sex they liked. Using various toppings to symbolize different sex acts. I bet buffalo chicken means something illegal. But I salute the kid who said a large with everything. I can’t believe this story is real. The assignment was quickly deleted, and the superintendent said it was simply an error.
They sent the wrong document and excuse prompting everyone who had ever been featured on To Catch a Predator to say, I wish I had thought of that. Anyway, I always said sex is a lot like pizza. It’s better with a thin crust. But this assignment was, yes, I know you’re going to hit me. This assignment was grosser than Dale Domino’s, the only people who should make sex and pizza are the delivery guys in VHS pornos. If only those housewives would have the money ready? Am I right? Is this real?
TYRUS: OK, first of all, this is terrible.
GUTFELD: Yes, it is.
TYRUS: This is an awful story. You are literally giving superpowers to pedophiles. They are literally getting code words to talk to children. Johnny, would you like an olive today, like and then they’re in court. Like, what, I just asked him if he wanted a salad or an olive? So, this was literally whoever put this together needs a background check now, because this was a blueprint for him code words, so they could not be held accountable —
TIMPF: And he sent the document out by mistake. It’s like, OK, why is the document?
TYRUS: Who wrote it?
TIMPF: Why is this —
TYRUS: Who sat in front of his computer, like if I could only teach the children use code words for sexual acts they like. So, he could pick the ones that are into the same thing he’s in. This is terrible.
GUTFELD: I didn’t even see that angle.
TYRUS: Because you’re not a parent.
GUTFELD: Yes, that’s true, that’s true. I am not, I think.
TIMPF: Does that mean I’m a parent because I saw it?
GUTFELD: Will, is this disturbing? Do you think it’s real? Do you buy their excuse? That’s three questions.
CAIN: It’s so disturbing that it is hard to believe that it is hard to believe that it’s real. Here’s what’s counterintuitive. I don’t know how old your kids are. I happen to have an eighth grader. I’m not speaking about this eighth grader in particular.
TYRUS: Right. You’re generalizing. Yes.
CAIN: You’re right. Right. This is, yes, generalizing. I find that kids today despite all of this stuff going on, they’re not quite as advanced as we were perhaps in eighth grade. They’re, they’re home on computers, they’re not —
GUTFELD: With people.
CAIN: They’re not as wild as you might think, despite being fed this nonsense.
TYRUS: Well, that was the point. He was trying to find out who was, because they — kids are into (INAUDIBLE) and video games, they’re really not, you know.
GUTFELD: You know, Matt, would you prosecute these people?
WHITAKER: So, this story, I’m troubled because I actually misread it and, and I thought this was an assignment for the show. So, I’m going to go back and read the story. But in all seriousness, this, this is, this is where the woke-ism has now infected so far down, that it’s you know, it’s going from colleges and discussing consent and signing consent contracts.
Now, we’re trying to push it down. And to your point, this is going to, start going to grade school and they’re going to start talking about things and again. The Parents should be in charge of this discussion parents should have control and the power to make sure that their kids, you know, learn about what they need to learn about and when they’re ready to learn about it.
GUTFELD: That’s a great — now that Tyrus has put it like that. It’s like, it does feel that way.
TYRUS: Yes, what the hell is a teacher asking a child what sexual act they like.
GUTFELD: But it was — I mean —
TIMPF: Oh, made this document.
GUTFELD: Were they saying it was like a sex ed document for like a high school that ended up in grade school?
TYRUS: There’s no school.
TIMPF: I don’t care, if they can’t talk about sex without using like pizza. Then maybe, like, you shouldn’t be having sex.
GUTFELD: By the way, they ruined pizza for me.
CAIN: Well, you know, we look at olives the same.
GUTFELD: Yes, that’s true. I don’t put all of my pizza. What am I talking about?
CAIN: I don’t know. See? That’s the point.
GUTFELD: Yes, I’m confused.
CAIN: Are we talking about olives or not?
GUTFELD: I don’t know. We’ll be right back.
GUTFELD: We’re almost out of time, maybe we have time though for another trip to Guy Town.
(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)
UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Guy town. Getting with you buddies, and lifting weights. Hey, beer is cool. Watching sports with your friends and being handsome — but it’s OK if you’re not handsome. Guy town!
(END VIDEO CLIP)
GUTFELD: Thanks to Matt Whittaker, Will Cain, Kat Timpf, Tyrus — that’s Guy Town. Up next, “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with evil Shannon Bream. I’m Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America.
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